Everyone has a "stop light theory" of depression. Right? Wait. What?
For awhile in 2017, I thought I had a brain tumor. And somehow, that was a calmer thought than most of the ones I had.
Mixed episode me is the absolute worst version because it is so incredibly selfish and hates itself for it.
"Have you done anything weird lately?" The answer is always yes. I can't remember a one-week span of time in my life where the answer to that question is no. And if I'm in a mixed episode, then all bets are off.
So this is how a mixed episode works: I basically exhibit symptoms of mania and depression at the same time. I have made the very bad (and tactless) joke in the past that "it means I'm suicidal but I'm really enthusiastic about it." This is inaccurate overall, but it is a catchy way to explain it to people who don't understand.
There were a lot of low points, but the butter knife rant stands out. It was June 14 and I had tried to reconcile my life to some degree, attempted to make decisions with as much conviction as I could muster. The act of making a decision, I always say, is sometimes all that is... Continue Reading →
"I just remember when they finally gave me the bipolar diagnosis, it was when I finally let them see... "it" come out." - January 29, 2017 I went home and cried the day my therapist told me, "I just don't think we can run from this diagnosis anymore." She had tried, very hard, to keep... Continue Reading →
The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing me that "being comfortable" was a terrible thing. Let's start near the end because the beginning is a bit of an amalgam of crazy decisions and I'll need you to understand a few things before I tell you all of that. And under no circumstances am... Continue Reading →