Every year in February, I visit the Brides magazine list of anniversary gifts. It is conveniently broken down for all of us struggling with an upcoming wedding anniversary in the dead of winter. For superstitious reasons, I never look ahead to the next year. I like it to be a surprise if/when we get to it.
We celebrate our 18th year of marriage this year. This means we also celebrate our 17th year of happiness in said marriage. (Go ahead. Ask every long-term married couple for their worst year. I bet they can tell you.) And what are we supposed to get our beloved when our marriage is old enough to vote?
Confused? Scared? Don’t know how to wrap the toilet to present it to them at dinner? I’m here to help. We can do this.
5 Amazing, Untoileted Porcelain Anniversary Gifts
Personalized Porcelain Coffee Cup
Yes, yes I know. This beautiful and elegant 18th Anniversary Gift captures our true love with this odd, splotchy cup. It’s the type of thing you give to your spouse so they remember your anniversary every morning while mainlining their caffeine so they can function. Imagine the possibilities, though, of reminding yourself EVERY morning that you are One Great Couple. No seriously. We are. Just ask the cup!
18th Anniversary Porcelain Aquamarine Throw Pillow
It’s an odd traditional gift, I’ll give you that. But a throw pillow… with a porcelain tea set on it… that looks like it should begin singing “Be Our Guest” at any moment… I’m not sure you get to count it as “continuing your traditional anniversary gift streak.” We’ll get an official ruling on it later.
Porcelain Pen Wedding Anniversary Gift
I’m going to be really honest and tell you that there is a high chance Carrie is getting this for an anniversary gift someday. I am the least pun-ny person that I know so when I have the opportunity, I must seize it.
I did look it up and we’re not calling these “splotchy.” We’re calling them “gold-dusted hexagonal confetti.” People say control of the English language will take you places, but, really, all you need is the ability to euphemize the hell out of anything.
The Actual Porcelain Anniversary Gift Options
I’ve scoured the internet. (And by “scoured” I mean “clicked on more than one site.”) Actual porcelain anniversary gifts are rare and filled with choices like “Porcelain Baby Shoe” and “Porcelain Toucan Bird Pendant.”
I checked and the baby shoe does not have a “dog sock” alternative so that’s not going to work for us. And I’m thinking the toucan bird pendant was created specifically for one person but they accidentally made 20 of them and now they’re here. Either way, these are the options I’m dealing with.
Decorative Porcelain Sugar Bowl
When I think of my wife, I think of sugar. More precisely, I think of doughnuts and ice cream. And Trolli worms. And, since she turned 51 and became the female Wilford Brimley, Werther’s Originals.
Carrie’s grandmother worked in a bakery. She often describes burying her face in their coat closet because it smelled exactly how a small-town bakery smells. It’s one of my favorite stories of hers.
And let me tell you – if I wasn’t 100 percent positive that the only thing this sugar bowl would accomplish is Carrie forcing me to sing the Reading Rainbow theme song every time she pointed out the butterflies… It would already be in my cart.
And the Final Anniversary Gift Option Is…
Porcelain Tea Light Holder
It’s the copy on this gift that really sold me. Truly. It made me laugh out loud.
Keep the flame alive after 18 years with this thoughtful wedding anniversary gift.Martha Stewart copywriter
Keep the flame alive…
With a tea candle.
The smallest candle.
The quickest to burn out.
But the porcelain holders will last forever!
If you’d like a tour of some Sharby Greatest Hits, I suggest you start with this one.