Knucklesland, Writing

Knuckles Report: Week 4

Give or take 15 years ago, Peaches and I were on vacation at the lake and we were “floating” which is like a cardio workout for fat people. I don’t remember why, but at one point, she tossed me the ski rope with the ski handle on the end.

As if it was in slow motion, it flew toward me and smacked me directly on the face. I can still see it tumbling end over end as it flew through the air with the greatest of ease until my cheek and nose stopped its inaugural flight.

I immediately began to drown as my eyes went blurry and I wasn’t sure my nose wasn’t broken. When I resurfaced, there was a fair amount of pain and Peaches felt terrible about it. We headed back to the cabin and I put a bag of frozen peas on it, which relieved the immediate “ouchie” feeling. She apologized profusely and I told her that she has never thrown anything more accurately in her entire life.

This story is brought to you by Bryce Harper getting nailed in the face with a 97 mph fastball. I kid you not that I would still be lying there on the ground, begging someone to bring me a bag of frozen peas, and telling everyone who could hear me that I would be absent from all activity for the foreseeable forever.

Instead, he’s just A-OK and back in the lineup. It’s insane.


Though I was in Florida, I kept tabs on all the baseball happenings. Even if I hadn’t wanted to, my father certainly made sure that I knew that he had both Kris Bryant and Nick Castellanos as they engaged in some sort of home run derby in their series. According to Player Rater, Kris gets the edge as batter of the week with Nick coming in fourth. But seriously. Who invited this guy to the league?

Pitcher of the week is Corey Kluber who pitched like he found a way to inject 2014 Kluber into his arm. That would be fun, wouldn’t it? Which year of yourself would you inject into your arm now? I would go with 2007 me. I was delightful then.

Good luck this week everyone!

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