Field Reports, Writing

Field Report: Day 27

Sergeant K

Spent a good 10-15 minutes organizing the greeting cards. About three minutes later, a young civilian came in and promptly destroyed all organization. Her particular favorite appeared to be taking the card holders and turning them upside down. Very helpful, the soldiers of the future.

Man dropped off a box, stood in the doorway with his mask not covering his nose, and announced his wife has a temp of 103.5. Did not scream “Get out!” at him. Wished we had a bucket of bleach perched on ceiling to pour on area after he left.

Shipping to China is a brand new level of headache due to regulation changes. Have to write EAR-99 on every item on invoice. Poorly timed acronym as I just finished the documentary about the East Area Rapist.

News says China is now sending seeds to unsuspecting Americans. Do not plant them, the Dept of Agriculture says. Want to ask who would be dumb enough to plant them but got interrupted by a string of civilians not wearing masks because they don’t believe that will hurt anyone either.

Sent sweet corn and muskmelon to Alaska. Also just now learned how to spell muskmelon.

Settled the Doughnut Debacle from a few weeks ago. Doughnuts don’t travel well. Especially in July. Especially to Texas in July. But we put in an insurance claim and got almost $100 for the damage to the box.

Then turned around and sent doughnuts to a dying man. These arrived marvelously. He ate them, someone took a picture, and then I believe he died the next day. Does Bloedow’s Bakery know that they are literally people’s dying wish?

Civilian dropped off a broken cell phone and said she hoped it would be picked up soon because it buzzes and plays a tune every three minutes or so. “It’s a pretty tune,” she said. “But it’s not that pretty.”

I literally put it in a closed cooler, in a box, in the storage room, and shut the door until the driver arrived to pick it up. It was that or quit my job.

Shipped a 600-pound machine Air Freight to Australia. That was super cheap and easy to do.

Had a civilian tell Private Ryan how to pack two very simple tubes that were already broken. May not seem the same but this is the equivalent of telling a race car driver how to start their car.

And finally, had a civilian tell me I was an “angel of God” who must be “smiling down on her to have brought me into her life” yesterday. She asked if we had comment cards to fill out. “No,” I said and then set to work creating comment cards. “But you can give us a good review on Google.”

“So I just go to The Google and leave a comment?”

“Yes,” I replied.

She was so sincere and wonderful; I don’t want to make fun of it too much. But I literally scanned one sheet of paper into an email for her. It took less than nine seconds. However, I will be requesting an “Angel of God” nametag at my earliest convenience.

Colonel C

Got a new puppy. Puppy loves dirt. Very happy we have so much in common.

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