Field Reports

Field Report: Day 20

Sergeant K

Field filled with very testy civilians today. Did not laugh at any of my jokes about not taping their boxes and taking our chances. Turned to straightforward delivery of services. Then was told to smile.

Postal Service forgot to pick up on Saturday. For everyone who thinks no one sends mail anymore, this is a picture of HALF of the pickup today.

Kickass Beef Jerky apparently started a TikTok thing and had 1500 orders in two days. They came in three times today. We have to scan these in as having been dropped off. A full-time job for us now.

“Can you mail things that are, like, larger and heavier?”
“Yes. We can ship things up to 150 pounds.”
“Oh, okay. Mine is probably about 3.”
“3 pounds?”
“Yes. So that’s not too big?”

Phone call of the day!

In case you’re wondering what 84 pounds of rust looks like, I’ll show you the following picture. Or the front of my shirt. Or what’s left of my gloves now. At least it was only leaking water and not oil or sewage like previous rust-ridden packages.

Still working on the envelopes from a local business. This round has been about 300 of them. Have at least 200 left to do. Am learning a lot about the small towns across the border in Wisconsin from doing it. Mostly that they all live on a road named after their last name.

Helped California Interpreter Lisa ship munitions in the form of Lysol wipes to her mom this morning. Battle fought and won in less than three minutes.

Customer brought in birthday present. Did not gently set down on scale. Was sure I heard the sound of glass. “Are those glass?” I asked. “Yes, but they’re not packed well at all,” they replied. Turns out, customer was self-aware.

Rode two-wheel tank to work. Halfway there, imagined myself becoming a scooter stunt driver. Almost fell off laughing at the picture of this.

Watched The Net this morning because cyber thrillers from 1995 are the absolute best cyber thrillers. Longed nostalgically for floppy disks and a simpler world where only one pizza place had a website and a greedy billionaire could be taken down with the Esc key.

Colonel C

People stopped by and asked for dirt today. Felt important. Good to be the Dirt Queen of the neighborhood. There’s power in that. Especially when dirt becomes the new currency.

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