Field Reports

Field Report: Day 13

Sergeant K

Tried new gloves today. Made it impossible to hit the “Tab” button without hitting the “Q” button. Considering how busy it was, imagine fair number of customers will have names like “Katieq Smithq” and the like on their labels.

Turned to hunt and peck strategy. Made me feel like an elderly woman with a big button house phone attempting to hit the right numbers to check if the fabric store is open.

“Does overnight mean two days?” asked a customer. Private First Class and I squinted and head tilted.
“No,” she answered. “Overnight means… Tomorrow.”
“Oh! Like “overnight” then?” customer responded, complete with air quotes.

Customer chose to have gigantic antique stained glass window shipped by air. Air is approximately three times as expensive as ground. Customer was grateful for the ability to have this option.

Another customer sent irritated email because their antique item arrived too quickly and promptly, leveling accusation that we had swindled them into shipping something by air. They were “not happy” about this.

Checked and sent the item by ground in the most economical way available. Customer had been called with this info and then emailed the invoice. Insinuation we swindle anyone into anything is anathema to us.

Exhausted, Private Ryan instructed me to craft response. “Don’t be too condescending. But maybe a little condescending. Is there a polite condescending?” Absolutely, I said. Written polite condescension is a specialty of mine.

Typed sentence, “We apologize your item arrived sooner than you expected.” Civilians, man.

Shipping an 1800s water pouring thingamabob to Slovakia. Would have been 50/50 prior to this if you’d asked me if Slovakia was a current or former country.

Private Ryan spent a great deal of time talking on the phone to an antique customer currently battling COVID-19. Around the same time, I held down a conversation with customer trying to help her daughter who recently came out.

There was a lot of heavy sighing today. Thursdays are heavy right now, I guess. That will happen in the busiest week of the year when we weren’t expecting it.

Super unnecessarily complicated fantasy baseball game is heating up. Fixed the pitching. Can always evaluate pitching. The Huckleberry Row Jackrabbits are rocking every possible pitching category and the hitters have a collective batting average of .220 currently. Par for course.

Began watching “Tin Cup” this morning. It is 2 hours and 15 minutes long. Why is the Bull Durham of golf 135 minutes long? Because it’s golf? Answered my own question. Thanks.

Colonel C

Wanted to order Qdoba. Couldn’t order online for some reason. Gave up. Perseverance for tacos at all-time low. Must carry on.

Leave a Reply