Field Reports

Field Report: Day 11

Sergeant K

Auction stuff arrived Saturday. Private Ryan spent 47 hours packing about 80% of it. Boxes everywhere. Mistakenly assumed empty parking lot upon arrival indicated a slow day.

Busiest day since the Monday before Christmas which is typically our single busiest day of the year.

April 6 is not typically second.

CDC recommended masks on Friday. Shipped about 2000 of them today. Debated a few times whether or not they were flat enough to go through roller. True moral dilemma right there.

Older men wanting to touch antiques is the new efficiency. Assume each was a pain in the ass on school field trips to museums.

Customer sending “care package” internationally. Had to fill out customs form. Must list full box contents. “Nonperishable food.” “Easter basket.” “Chainsaw chaps.” “Organic tea.”

Could not have had less idea what “chainsaw chaps” were. Didn’t question. One of those terms I’m fine not knowing.

Lifted a gigantic long box to get it out of the way of the other 900 boxes. Box weighed approximately 110 pounds. In case I forget, my back will be reminding me for awhile.

And now let’s play “Who wins customer of the day?!?”

Customer A

Customer A entered the store, speakerphone blaring a conversation, and hurriedly demanded an envelope. Took envelope to a side area to write address. Continued speakerphone conversation. Individual on other end had child crying in the background. No one has ever addressed an envelope more slowly. Customer returned to counter and demanded a stamp. Handed me a credit card for the $0.55. Last thing I heard from phone conversation was “I can’t believe that took so long.”

Customer B

Customer B had only a drop off and philosophies to give us. Lives alone. Thinks people order too many things online. “Cardboard kills,” they said. Offered idea that government planted the virus to control us. Then talked about the necessity of wearing masks. Says they think if two people are dying and only one ventilator then the person who wore a mask should get the ventilator. Customer said this but was not wearing a mask. Offered a skeptical “okay” to which customer angrily responded “Well, that’s how it SHOULD work.”

Please have all your votes in by 10 a.m. CST tomorrow!

Still calmly waiting for motivation to pluck chin and lip hairs. As is, enjoying the new seventh-grade-boy-facial-hair look I’ve got going on. Playing super complicated baseball simulation game. Team went 5-12 today. Need pitching. Will sleep on it.

Colonel C

Made chili with the strongest onions to ever exist. Left new bookshelf with drawers in box outside. Sergeant is strong now. Not my problem. Still in Hell week. Wore pajama shorts backwards last night. Might not be 100%.

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