Sergeant K
Returned to field. Entire battalion of customers joined me. “Nobody’s buying things online,” one customer grumpily said. The stack of 22 boxes of giant Jenga pieces in the back said otherwise.
Easter baskets were all the rage. Much lamenting about the cancellation of … April. Reassured them that kids will love to receive packages. Left out that, as a child, I would have given almost anything to receive an Easter basket without the obligatory white dress/bow in hair/Easter church service combo.
“Candy is expensive to ship. There should be a candy rate. Especially in times like this.”
Brilliant Customer, March 30, 2020. Nominated for Nobel Peace Prize on March 31, 2020.
Took two-wheel tank to work. Opened front door of store for both nice weather and reduced handle touching. Had multiple customers stop at open doorway to ask if we were open.
Witnessed some sort of road rage incident. Men in trucks screaming obscenities at one another. Screeched across the street to park next to our building to continue their fisticuffs outside their vehicles and louder screaming. Fully assumed gunshots would follow.
Gunshots did not follow. Yelled at Private Ryan to stay in the building. Got to say, “I’m not coming out there to save you.” Marked completion of goal to somehow tell Private Ryan I was going/not going to “save” him.
Quoted shipment of 9′ x 12′ rug worth $3000. Customer asked if another shipper would have a better price. Did not offer said person idea to perhaps buy rug that does not need to travel 800 miles.
Asked another how much insurance he would like on a shipment. He replied to email with “Yes.”
Had customer without personal boundaries lean very close to Private Ryan to talk about the effect of the pandemic on bees. Private Ryan retreated seeing how we are low on soldiers and shouldn’t take risks. I suggested we could keep a little spray bottle like cat owners do and spritz water at customers who get too close.
Five minutes later, Private Ryan mentioned he could get little spray bottles. I suggested we not spritz customers like misbehaving cats. He said we’d keep the idea on the table. Desperate times and all.
Began next correspondence. Read a chapter from two different books. Enjoyed every second on two-wheel tank even though I look like a giant yellow highlighter on roller skates.
Colonel C
Was sitting on couch, sipping a cocktail when I arrived home. Announced to me she was now an “after work martini person.” And I just can’t with her right now.
