Field Reports

Field Report: Day 7

March 29, 2020

Sergeant K

Had two days reprieve at home for Baseballmas, a holiday which didn’t occur. Depressed. Gave blood to help. Almost gave consciousness along with it.

Began creating a card catalog for book collection. Included Dewey Decimal System for nonfiction. Own way too much nonfiction.

Started playing an abundance of Canasta online. Asked Colonel to call me the Canasta Masta. Have yet to be called Canasta Masta. Sad.

Returned to field. Exceptionally busy. Minnesota was to close at midnight; assumed everyone was rushing to ship things before they had to stay home. Could be mistaken, though.

Private Ryan began answering the phone and saying, “Everything is normal,” when asked if we were still open and if our hours were the same. Thought this was brilliant. Made it our new store tagline.

Continued quoting auction items. Assumed some of the 431 items wouldn’t sell. All 431 items sold. As it says in Romans 8:39, “Neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from antique cuckoo clocks.”

Helped customer send things from Wal-Mart. They explained to me the reduced hours for stocking were primarily the result of scratches and bruises on employees from people ripping things out of their employees’ arms. Called the day it all began “worse than Black Friday.” Expressed genuinely deep concern for all levels of Wal-Mart employees.

Reminded myself that not all people who work for seemingly heartless billionaire corporations are heartless billionaires.

Speaking of… Read that Jeff Bezos set up a GoFundMe to raise money for his contracted employees. Regular people can donate money they don’t have to people who work for a guy who makes $2,489 per second. Wanted to scream at the next 83 Amazon returns that came through the door.

Customer brought in jelly. This is not rare. Told us they had trouble “getting the jar to seal” so we should eat it soon. Rapidly spreading communicable disease does not inspire confidence in unsealed jar of homemade jelly. Didn’t seem to bother Private First Class Coworker. Donated my jar to her cause of being young and broke.

Discussed contingency plans for the enigmatic future. Decided to make plans as future unfolds.

Otherwise, everything is normal.

Colonel C

Expressed happiness about my return to the field. Charged battery and prepared two-wheel tank for me. Will enter quarter close soon. Warns me frequently about this. Expect to come home tomorrow on two-wheel tank to find bunker she has built for me during quarter close. It’s our best option. Hope she will deliver rations at regular frequency. Is becoming a master of cocktails. Colored for a bit. Her zen remains unnerving.

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