Field Reports

Base Report: Day 1

Sergeant K

Took leave from the field today. Drove to veterinary clinic to pick up prescription medications and food for the brood. They were less than appreciative and seemed to hold a grudge that I traversed the world in a car without them.

Entered a grocery store for firsthand account of battle. Did not use a cart. Paper Product Panic™ evident in aisle. Felt protective of all teens being asked to work overtime to stock shelves and offered to stand guard with a megaphone to verbally accost anyone who had the audacity to be rude or angry at them. Did not recognize irony.

Cashier was grateful I talked to her about her favorite flowers instead of pandemic. Other conversations can still exist. Conveyed hope and promptly went to nearby liquor store where lack of hope was evident by final cart contents.

Drove through apocalyptic McDonald’s for an Egg McMuffin as a reward for my forage through battle. Returned to base. Watched the first half of 12 different shows. Dealt with Colonel working in nearby room shouting thoughts about shows’ dialogue and music. Inability to finish episodes may have a correlation with this. Will study more in the future.

Texted with Private Ryan who suggested we wear “rubber gloves” during battle tomorrow. I suggested latex gloves. He said that’s what he meant and just expected me to read his mind “like always.” Laughed over text messages. Good battle buddy to have.

Was asked to tell story surrounding the theme “Madness” to upload to the internet. I feel like I have material to work with. Will practice during non-essential time.

Colonel C

They have closed the hair salons. There is finally a crack in the Colonel’s armor. We have a reverse-Samson here on base. Buzz cut may be in near future.

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