The Stitches Have Arrived!

(Editor’s note: She started with this chaos here and you should probably read that installment first.)

I got home from vacation and my first Stitch Fix shipment had arrived. I opened it before I finished unloading the car because I was so curious about what this was going to look like. It may have been the most interesting experiment I’ve ever tried (which says a lot about how much I hate the scientific method).

The box was very small so I assumed that the five pieces of clothing they sent were three pairs of socks and two bras with a note “We don’t know what to do with you.” I would have laughed. But inside the box were five actual items of clothing. And a note from my stylist, Jenny.

The first thing Jenny wants to know is if I have a Pinterest board that I can link to my profile. No, Jenny. I have never been on Pinterest. Do I need to be on Pinterest to show you the 800 pictures of me in a hat? I literally have one full body picture of me wearing anything not called a t-shirt and shorts and let’s just say it’s not a day we want pinned to a board forever. But fine. I will create a very secret, unlinked to anything other than my Stitch Fix account on Pinterest. And there, you will learn all about how much I love a polo shirt.

But then Jenny continued, talking about how much she enjoyed my profile and the idea that I am funny. She said that really helped her pick out my outfits. So. Okay then. Even if it’s a robot writing these things, it still sucked me in as though it was personal. Still hadn’t looked at the clothes yet. I wanted to savor the very last bit of the potential of this exercise.

The First One Had Ruffles. And was Sleeveless.

Image result for thorndale ruffle detail blouse

I did panic a bit with this one. I am fairly sure I have never worn anything with ruffles even when, as a child, I still retained a bit of “girly” to me. [Editor’s note: Just kidding. That time period did not actually exist.] But I really liked the plaid. I may have clicked “Love” to plaid prints on my style questionnaire. But there’s no way I could wear a sleeveless shirt. That felt like poppycock to me.

The Second One is Called a “Blouse”

Image result for 41hawthorn karie split neck blouse dark green

It’s this but a black. (Don’t worry – actual pics later.) Fun fact: I don’t wear V necks very often but every time I wear a V neck someone says, “Wow, I really like that shirt on you,” and I think to myself, ‘Maybe I should wear V necks more often.’ The only tiny issue with this is that I have a tattoo that is slightly noticeable when I wear one. This is not an issue insofar as I care about anyone else seeing the tattoo. No no. The truth is that many times, in my peripheral vision, I see a bug where that ink starts and end up randomly slapping myself in the chest multiple times a day. Not a good look. I remain skeptical.

My Profile Definitely Screamed V-Neck

Image result for cupio pocket detail knit top

It’s not quite this – mine is dark green and has a cute pocket that is wholly useless but does butch up the shirt JUST enough that I feel like it’s more my style. It’s not my style on its own but…

Jenny Knew I Needed To Layer

Image result for asa knit blazer

Do you know how hard it is to find any sort of blazer/jacket that isn’t short on me? I legitimately thought it was impossible. I thought that I had been blessed with such an odd body type that I was resigned to wearing things that were never going to feel good or look good. I don’t have a lot of body image issues, but I think part of that was just that I had succumbed to the reality of my limitations when needing to look nice. So Jenny wrote, “This will work with so much; start with the Thorndale and go from there.” [Editor’s note: Yes. Jenny told her how to dress. Written instructions. That’s where she is at from a fashion perspective.] Sure enough, I put the two together and my wife did that thing that people do when they think you look good because you actually look good, not because they are legally obligated to say that you do.

And the Whole Reason for this Venture in the First Place…

Jeans. Nice jeans. Jeans that are long and boot cut and high end material and that match everything. Honestly, if this website is just an algorithm based on random words from my profile and questionnaire, they still did an amazing job figuring out my proportions. But I like to think Jenny exists and that she got my rave review in her inbox and tossed an orange in the air and said, “Yes! I figured out the weird one!”

Here are the outfits as they appear laying on my living room floor because I refused to put a bra on after my shower and THIS, dear friends, is why I didn’t “go live” with this unveiling.

Anyway, I also bought myself a new hat. It doesn’t go with any of these outfits, but I have high hopes for the next package.

This is definitely going on my Pinterest board.

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