I decided to start running, not because I want to lose weight, though it occurs to me today, a Saturday, that perhaps just the word “weight” has driven me to the absurd desire to do this. I decided to start running because I hate exercise and I think people who say “find something you love to do” are simply full of shit. If you embrace the fact that exercise sucks then, much like the greater sense of nihilism or absurdist philosophies, you will be free to do it. I will never look forward to running. I will never think it is cool. I will never sign up for a 5K because the idea of paying someone so that I may run near them and then get a “free” t-shirt is too absurd, even for me, the one who loves the absurd. I don’t want to run a 5K. I don’t even like the term 5K. Dragon has even threatened to divorce me if I ever turn into “one of those 5K people.”
I also do not currently know how much I weigh, mostly because our scale is one we have owned for 10 years and has been stored in closets in positions that are less-than-ideal for perfect calibration. In fact, today, I’m not sure if we still own it or where it may be. Things get lost over time when they are neglected… things like scales, reality, etc.
Motivation is a curious thing. People wait until they “feel” like doing things. Goodness why? My motivation for running, for moving, is driven from the thought that I want to be able to say I am doing these things. Part of it might also be the crazy notion that I said I would walk 8 miles a week this year, a goal I didn’t really want to say but then said. However, I challenge myself in a variety of ways every day and yet I have never bothered to challenge myself physically. I could always do what I wanted which is easy when what I’ve wanted to do was so very little.
Why bother blogging about it? Why bother writing about anything at all? No one needs to hold me accountable to my newfound hatred of daily exercise. This is not a goal-setting task. However, much like the other things I manage to neglect in my life, an understanding of myself and the things that I do mindlessly shouldn’t go undocumented so that perhaps success seems a little less simple and a little more meaningful.
I decided to start running. The vision I have of myself is the same as it is now, just with a little extra oomph.