Dragon read articles I to X and thinks that perhaps someone missed a few very important parts of the intricacies of a land ruled by Dragon herself so she would like to contribute the following to this very special series.
Article XI: The last Oktoberfest beer is Dragon’s no matter how long it’s been in the fridge or how infrequently she drinks beer. Enacted after we realized it was January 25 and the beer was still in there and Dragon thanked someone for not drinking it and laughed when someone asked if Dragon wanted it now because that’s just silly, it’s not October, so leave it be for awhile, K thanks.
Article XII: You will say yes to everything because Dragon wants to see how it turns out. Enacted after someone worked 4 jobs at a time and did things she had no reason doing but that Dragon thought would be fun for her to try.
Article XIII: Dragon should always be the primary subject of your LJ, blog, FB, or whatever social networking site you’re using these days. Enacted after she realized it was fun to see her name in print.
Article XIV: Dragon doesn’t care if it was broken or that someone is drowning, if she accidentally hits you with a ski rope in the face it is her right to cry for feeling bad and after which you need to console HER dammit! Enacted after a situation in which someone was hit in the face with a ski rope…
Article XV: Cheerleaders should always be cheering – ALWAYS! No sitting on the sideline all quiet-like lightly shaking your pom poms. Enacted after the dangerous smoothie/coffee day at the U of M wherein Dragon ridiculed cheerleaders for not cheering or for simply spelling the word Minnesota, shouting, “Thanks for the help!” in a dead silent arena. Dragon has expectations for cheerleaders.
Article XVI: Dragon is allowed to open the chip bag from whichever end she sees fit, no matter how crazy it makes someone. Enacted after someone flipped out that a Fritos bag was opened from the bottom because SERIOUSLY WHO DOES THAT!
Article XVII: Dragon will only attend sporting events where cotton candy is being sold. Enacted after we realized that though she was not blessed with height nor a soothing voice, she has a sixth sense which enables her to find a cotton candy vendor 18 sections away which she then exclaims, “COTTON CANDY!” followed by the color of such sugary goodness which leads those sitting around someone to think, ‘Aw, she must be here as some sort of a volunteer project,’ which makes someone feel good for having married Dragon.
Article XVIII: Someone cannot meet Dragon’s bitchiness with her own bitchiness; someone must always maintain her sense of humor through Dragon’s bitchiness. Enacted after that one time that someone decided to get bitchy which led to the END OF THE WORLD AS WE KNEW IT.
Article XIX: Dragon’s clothes are Dragon’s clothes and her wife’s clothes are also Dragon’s clothes and it shall never be the other way around no matter how little Dragon does laundry. Enacted after someone came home for the fourth day in a row to an unshowered Dragon working in someone’s pajama pants and long sleeve t-shirts because “they’re so comfortable” leaving someone to sleep in shorts in the middle of January.
Article XX: The house doesn’t need to be cleaned until Dragon starts to get twitchy about it in which case it needed to be done yesterday and Dragon is going to tell you about it and doesn’t care if you’re driving to Winona and won’t be home for 10 hours it will still be your fault because Dragon has a hair up her ass and you married her twice and she’s been doing this the whole time so don’t act surprised or annoyed at Dragon for simply being who she is and if you put the peanut butter knife in the sink instead of the dishwasher one more time, Dragon is going to officially breathe fire. I’ll give you 10 guesses as to when this was enacted.